A practical guide for conflict mediation

Mediating conflict and building alignment

Webster’s dictionary defines alignment as “Bringing parts into proper relative position; to adjust, to bring into proper relationship or orientation.’ Alignment is always possible to the extent that people will avail themselves of it. This is not the same as agreement or harmony. Alignment is about consciously agreeing to move in the same direction, and has to do with serving common goals. To the degree that alignment is present within a relationship, it can take place on different levels. You can be in alignment about getting a job done together, while disliking a lot about one another, or disliking how the job is executed. You can be in alignment about growing your relationship, while having battles about some aspect thereof. To the extent alignment becomes conscious, it becomes the bridge partners can utilise to create alignment to move in a common direction.

Mediation research has found that one of the most effective ways to create alignment is to not engage with the positions (the solutions advocated for by one partner), but to find the common interests that lie behind the positions. Even when the positions are locked, the interests or values behind the positions may be aligned. For example, team members may be aligned about a merger but in disagreement about the best way to go about it. The common interest is the merger; the positions are how to accomplish it. A couple may have different positions on how to discipline their child, but they hold a common value of wanting the best for their child. The alignment skills to build relationships are drawn from mediation techniques and adjusted to be more appropriate for leader-managers being able to develop a coaching style in mediating conflict.

Alignment coaching is combined with managing conflict. Conflict is a signal that something new is trying to happen. When handled skilfully it is the transition to constructive change. But toxic conflict can paralyse a team, increase job turnover and absenteeism, and reduce productivity. Alignment is a way to manage conflict in a constructive way.

For you as the facilitator of the conflict, introduce the process and make it clear that each person involved is to communicate to you as the facilitator, and not to speak to the person with whom they are in conflict. This is a way of managing an escalation of the conflict. Further, set the ground rules in terms of behaviour if there are certain behaviours you want to introduce (such as not interrupting the other person, adhering to the timing that you set, giving fully-present attention to whomever is speaking, and committing to the ground rules). As the facilitator you need to time each person for each round that you introduce with each of the items below. I would suggest two or three minutes for each person to answer each of the questions that you ask as the Facilitator. Timing is equal - everyone has equal time.

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Introduction, Context and Process - Facilitator introduces why we are here and why it is important.
Creating a Designed Alliance - “How do we want to have this conversation?” The facilitator asks this question and hears from everyone equally, asking for specific behaviours. Give 15 seconds for each, and go round a few times to elicit all the behaviours. Let them reduce the list down to no more than 10 behaviours.
Introducing these core principles for the session - summarise the core behaviours, and ask each person if they are willing to commit to working in this way.
Resolving issues without blame - ask each person whether they are willing to share the impact this conflict has had on them personally, and whether they are willing to hear the other participants’ perspectives without judgement or prejudice. Be clear that you will stop them if they start to work with blame.
Ask each person one a time, and set equal time for each person to answer, usually four or five minutes: “What is the issue or issues that are causing the problem from your perspective, and what impact has this issue had on you? You can do as many rounds as needed in order to hear each person out. Keep going until all the heat seems to be spent and everyone has been heard.
Suggest to them that they think about the issue sitting between them, with them sitting next to each other. Ask them to imagine putting the problem out in front of them so that they are sitting next to each other looking at the problem. Then have them speak to what they see from each of their perspectives, to see the problem from different viewpoints.
Ask each participant, “What do you need and from whom to go forward?” Hear from each of them and they may need to vent. Just be sure you have set the guidelines for there to be no swearing and no shouting.
Ask each of them - “What do you think are your areas of commonality - what are the common interests or points behind which you are united?” Summarise those common interests that they seem to align on.
Ask each of them - “What are you personally prepared to concede or do to reach a compromise that would facilitate better engagement and relationships between you?” Everyone needs to be equally willing to give up something to resolve the conflict.
Next steps and closing.

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Source: Sunny Stout Rostron and Michael Taylor